The Care and Feeding of Evil Empires Pt. 3

Part 3.

Secret Societies: While Dark Lords definitely prefer overwhelming force and intimidation, it’s a poor Master of Evil who doesn’t know that guile, persuasion and temptation are effective tools. And every general knows that 10 men operating inside an enemy city’s walls are worth 1000 outside it. And the use of covert operations and terror within a target population are a good way to keep up the ass-clench factor for the Dark Lord’s enemies, as his Vile Majesty builds up (or replenishes) his conventional forces. Secret Societies of varying stripes can provide these services for a Dark Lord; and, best of all the Dark Lord can choose to either create a secret society to suit his needs, or simply co-opt an existing secret society already in place. If not both.

• Assassins’ Guilds: If there are existing Assassins’ guilds or other organizations in your world, the Dark Lord will definitely try to co-opt it somehow, either as an ally or a sub-contractor, or if he can in any way, as a closely controlled conquest. He may create his own assassins’ guild to operate in competition with the existing guild, and use the conflict between the two to further his ulterior motives. But one thing no Dark Lord will ever do is simply ignore an assassins’ guild. In the first place, they’re too useful. They can be useful doing the dirty laundry of a principality’s power elite as a context for undermining the principality’s security and military effectiveness, learning all that state’s military and political secrets, gauging the power elite’s factions and personalities, and collecting prime blackmail and psychological warfare materials to set the principalities defenders against each other. All in ways that won’t only not be noticed by the principality’s elite, but will be actively covered up by them. On the flip side, the Dark Lord also knows that an assassins’ guild that isn’t controlled by him can be used just as effectively against HIM. Any assassins’ guilds in that world must either be completely controlled by the Dark Lord or DESTROYED.

• Brainwashed Zealots: Almost every Dark Lord tries this gambit at one time or another; it’s part of their ‘MORE!’ orientation. After all, what could be more ‘MORE!’ than people who are willing to destroy anyone or anything for you, even themselves? Unfortunately, Brainwashed Zealots are a lot more effort than they’re really worth. Their besetting sin is that they simply need far more personal attention and direct supervision than your average Dark Lord is really willing to put into anything. So, most Dark Lords will try this once, mostly to see what happens, and then cut the zealots loose. The zealots don’t really serve the Dark Lords purpose anymore, but they unnerve people by rattling on about how wonderful the Dark Lord is. The opposition is put in the position of either tacitly condoning this, or suppressing them, simultaneously tying up resources, alienating the zealots families, and discrediting themselves by their ruthless tactics. But that’s a tad too subtle for most Dark Lords, so the tactic isn’t repeated.

• Circle of Dark Wizards: One very effective tactic that Dark Lords sometimes employ is to create a circle of dark wizards to operate within the borders of a target realm. The problems really with this are that Dark Lords aren’t really into sharing power, or dealing from a position of anything other than absolute strength, or trusting people who are as powerful as he is.

Dark Lords get around this by not sharing that lore and power with actual Wizards, which implies that they already have a measure of wisdom and power of their own; rather, usually operating behind a false front, they gather and indoctrinate a ring of failed mystics, those who were deemed unworthy by the Elders of the target nation either of advanced instruction, or indeed any instruction, in the mystic arts. The Dark Lord, or at least his agent/front, soothes the rejects’ wounded egos, tells them that the Elders are jealous of their potential, and instructs them in the arts that the Elders refused. At first, the Dark Lord’s agent presents a nonpartisan, even benign façade, trusting that the new magelings’ egotism, impatience and lack of discipline will lead them down the road to complete ethical compromise.

Depending on the particulars of the Dark Lord’s agenda, this new Circle of Mages could be geared as an espionage organ, a terror arm, an insurrection agency, the center of an attempted rebellion, an act of mystical sabotage in of itself, the magical equivalent of a smuggled-in nuke, or simply a distracting annoyance for the secular, magical or ecclesiastical authorities. The twists and nuances of this go on and on, depending only on the wiliness and obscurity of the Dark Lord.

But one thing is always be certain: everything that the Dark Lord gives this Circle, whether they know it’s him or not, will have more hooks and conditions and strings attached to it than a college student’s first credit card, and all in his own good time, the Dark Lord will exact his due. Oh, and HE will be the one getting the bargain, not the so-called ‘wizards’.

• Crime Syndicate: While the term ‘Crime Syndicate’ tends to evoke images of SPECTRE or THRUSH, or more realistically, of the Mafia or the Yakuza, a Crime Syndicate can being anything from the large international conspiracy of the sorts mentioned above to simple street gangs, smuggling rings, bandit gangs or other such bottom rung street scum, as long as they are large enough to incorporate three or more discrete units. Dark Lords tend not to work very closely with large criminal organizations. It’s that ‘I hate dealing from any position than absolute strength’ thing again. Also, the leaders of large Triad or Yakuza type outfits tend to be intelligent, canny, subtle, patient and quite political; a combination that most Dark Lords loathe and fear with a passion. If anything, large multi-national crime syndicates are right below established Assassins’ Guilds on any Dark Lord’s ‘Get Rid of ASAP’ list. Though a canny Dark Lord might float rumors linking said crime syndicate with him, as to give the local authorities an excuse to crack down on the syndicate; thus tying up the forces of those authorities and whittling down the numbers of the syndicate, without expending anything himself.

Still, a crime syndicate is a wonderful asset for a Dark Lord. Crime Syndicates make for wonderful espionage arms, as they deal with street level sensitive information as a matter of course, and they can ply that trade without raising any eyebrows. Add to that their skills in materials acquisitions, specific target elimination, sabotage, arson, terrorism, kidnapping and character assassination, and you have a first rate covert operations unit that not only delivers the goods, but actually returns a hefty PROFIT as well. Most Dark Lords aren’t that familiar with the concept of ‘budgets’, but they sure as hell get ‘money coming back’.

As with the Circle of Dark Wizards (see above), the Dark Lord will recruit a group of ambitious low-level cutthroats through an intermediary, and tell them that they’re being vetted for membership in some mysterious nigh-all-powerful secret criminal network with an ominous name (possibly an acronym). Then they’re given the money, materials, information and support to become the sort of underworld empire of crime that proper pulp novels are rife with. Of course, this is merely the beginning; Dark Lords aren’t known for being trusting, or very trustworthy, for that matter. Thieves and Thiefmasters aren’t as vulnerable to being bound by mystic pacts as Wizards are. The Dark Lord will still try to sink every hook possible into the command cadre of this new crime syndicate, and still want to be sure. Possibly, the Dark Lord will simply create this new crime syndicate as a lever on an existing thieves’ guild, or he’ll create two or more competing syndicates that will compete for his favor, and the merry games go on and on.

If the Dark Lord is in the crepuscular past, this will explain why there are two (or more) deeply entrenched, well-equipped and deeply connected crime syndicates in the same area, and why they managed to get that powerful without destroying each other.

• Depraved Libertines: Uniformly, Dark Lords have very low opinions of the Human Race (and they aren’t that fond of demi-humans, either), and they love irony. Well, as long as they aren’t the one being ironed, anyway. So, few things charge his batteries quite like turning his enemies’ loved ones against them. The more loudly a monarch or champion proclaims to uphold the standards of Decency and Honor, the more natural it is for a younger relation or attendant to want to rebel a little; nothing harmful or vicious, mind you, simply a little side trip outside the suffocating standards of the aforementioned champion. A side trip that the Dark Lord’s agents are all-too willing to derail into a scenic tour of the dark side, with as many traps, hooks and pitfalls as they can possibly create. While the obvious use of this ploy is access to the highest levels of information, possibly a well-timed poisoning or kidnapping, the real trump is discrediting the King or Paladin or whoever is making such a noise about being so noble and pure. While the Debauched Libertines can be used as a wide brush to tar the entire court, it’s best if the mud splatters those who need to be seen as untainted the most. Dark Lords regard putting a Paladin in a position where he has to choose between executing a loved one for being part of a depraved human sacrifice or totally compromising his ethical position by sparing them, as a particularly artful ploy.

• Dispossessed Haven: It is a sad fact that there has never been a society that didn’t have an underclass, or some form of outcaste or dispossessed. The rationales for this are endless, and aren’t really for this forum, so let us leave this point as a given: there are always going to be the poor and wretched, and they will always be a fertile ground for recruiting by any half-way competent Dark Lord aspirant. From the Dark Lord’s point of view, the best thing about exploiting the anxieties and resentments of an outcast group is that it’s self-perpetuating; even if that group doesn’t regard him as some sort of savior, he can arrange so that eventually they will.

All that he has to do is leak to the properly paranoid and ruthless ear in the target nation’s equivalent of a secret police that this noteworthy or that in the out-group in question is a secret operative of the Dark Lord’s subversive organ within that group, and that he and several others of that group are responsible for various unspecific heinous acts against the State. The secret police will promptly persecute and harass that worthy, and try to force him to reveal who the others in the subversive organization. The fact that the noteworthy will loudly deny that there IS such an organization, let alone that he’s part of it, won’t phase the Secret Police in the slightest. Detect Truth spells be damned, they will deduce that he’s a fanatic who’d rather die than betray the Dark Lord! The fact that he’s warded against Detect Truth spells PROVES that’s he’s a highly placed agent! The Secret Police will harass the noteworthy, his family, his friends and any followers he might have to the point that they create new rebels. Also, by being tarred with the Dark Lord’s brush, these new rebels will most likely embrace the name of the mysterious subversive organization, giving them a focus to rally around, even if they weren’t particularly well-inclined toward the Dark Lord before. In time, the Secret Police will wind up creating the subtle, duplicitous, ruthless, deadly, and downright fanatical secret society that they were trying to stamp out.

And if the target kingdom doesn’t have a Secret Police? Create one! Have an agent select an appropriately bigoted, paranoid, obsessive, authoritarian and antagonistic member of the Guard or Watch or whatever (and, let’s be honest: there’s going to be at least ONE in any guard unit. Personalities like that are almost magnetically drawn to that kind of work) and set him up to ‘prevent’ an act of sabotage, arson or murder by what he perceives as a member of that outcast group. Build him up as a big hero, and have your agent guide him through the process of recruiting a secret police organization around himself. Build up his reputation, career, ego and determination to succeed with equal care. Have your agent controlling this secret policeman present himself as a ‘secret representative’ of a high ranking official, who has ‘special work’ that only he can carry out. Have an agent of this alleged ‘secret Dark Lord cult’ kill someone close to him, to both light a fire under him and to give him the justification for anything he does in retaliation. Create a martyr for his fledgling secret police. Arrange for him to be rewarded with gold and honors for his work. Endow him and his secret police with a mystique that shields them from scrutiny and censure. Create the perception, both within this secret police and in the general population, that the outcast group is a sink of depravity and corruption. Take some mundane, everyday, commonplace symbol or tradition of the outcast group, and make it the sigil of the ‘Dark Lord cult’, so the Secret Police can find traces of the ‘cult’ everywhere. It is of paramount importance that the dupe who is the center of this secret police should never know who his true patron is; in a world where magic works, he has to be able to speak with absolute sincerity when he condemns others of crimes they haven’t committed.  

Create a mysterious masked leader for the ‘Dark Lord Cult’ who can act as a bogeyman for the general population, and as a ‘Fu Manchu’ figure that the secret police can focus their venom on. When the Secret Police have sufficiently brutalized, alienated and criminalized the outcast group, insert another agent to claim the title of the masked leader of the Dark Lord cult, gathering the scattered cells and binding them with blood oaths of loyalty.

Now the Dark Lord not only has TWO armed and deadly belligerent forces at work in the target nation, but he controls both sides of the small civil war that he’s started within that nation. As long as he keeps the head of the secret police isolated from his supposed patron, the Dark Lord can orchestrate the violence as to achieve almost any effect within that nation he pleases, and the treasury of the nation that they’re ripping apart will foot the bill.

• Evil Cult: Dark Lords love diabolist cults and blood fanatic groups; they make great patsies. Just wind them up and send them at whoever you want crushed. Promised them anything, load them down with crocked magical items, and if any of them survive, just drop them into a pit of crocodiles.

After all, Being Evil means never having to say that you’re sorry.

About a damn thing.

• Idealistic Reformers: The last thing that any Dark Lord wants to face is an aware, informed, united, prepared foe that is focused on defeating him and holds the moral high ground. When it looks like he’s up against just such opposition, the canny Dark Lord deploys the least likely of weapons: Idealistic Reformers. There is no such thing as an ideal state; politics, no matter what the system, is a constant state of wheeling, dealing, compromising and trading of favors. But there comes a time when the wheeling and dealing becomes a thing unto itself, and it loses sight of the fact that it’s supposed to solve problems, not simply line the pockets of the rich and powerful. So, occasionally, Reform is necessary in even the most benignly run of states. Things have to be shaken up, no matter who gets rattled. Of course, while that reform may be necessary, it’s best if it’s left until after the Dark F*****g Lord stops trying to invade and enslave the entire state! But the Dark Lord simply whispers in the right ears, that the whole ‘Evil Supervillain trying to take over the world’ thing is a complete and utter SHAM, a fraud perpetrated by the power elite to distract the populace from the rampant corruption at the highest levels. And then he sits back and laughs as his opposition loses cohesion, focus and credibility. If the Reformers lose, then the incumbents are still discredited; if they win, then there is a group of novices in charge, who don’t really know how to run a state at War…

• Noble Cabal: Balzac wrote: ‘Behind every great fortune, there lies a great crime’. The Dark Lord would agree entirely, and in his eyes, the ‘Noble Protectors’ of the realm that he’s targeting are no better than he is. Which means that he can cut a deal with them. They don’t have to betray anyone. All they have to do is simply… not BE where they’re supposed to be at a crucial time. For which restraint they’ll be amply rewarded, if only by the Dark Lord tearing off one piece of territory, and leaving the rest for the Noble Cabal to take over. Of course, the Dark Lord knows that these so-called ‘Nobles’ are just as treacherous as he is, and he’ll make sure that he double-crosses them before they have so much as a chance to even think about double-crossing him. The exact details will be different for what a Dark Lord will do in an individual world, but one thing is quite certain: the Dark Lord knows exactly what ambitious nobles will do or say. All he has to do is ask himself, ‘What would I do?’

• Racist Oppressors: ‘Why can’t we all just get along?’ People have a hard time tolerating each other when the differences are as subtle as those between a Frenchman, a Breton, a Basque and a Catalan; can you imagine how deep the bad blood must flow when your neighbors aren’t even human? Secret Societies devoted to pursing ethnic feuds predate the KKK by millennia and are found in almost every culture in some form. Whether they’re devoted to ‘overthrowing the oppressors’, or ‘keeping the scum down, where they belong’, these groups usually have three aspects that make them tempting targets for a Dark Lord: they’re secretive, they’re violent, and they’re easy to manipulate. With the proper support and motivation from the Dark Lord, these Racists could disrupt the internal peace and community feeling of a target nation, ripping it apart from within and ripe for violent takeover by the Dark Lord’s legions. With the proper training and equipage, from the Dark Lord, these secret legions of terror could last for generations past the Dark Lord’s actual time, spreading their misery for centuries. The Dark Lord would approve.

• Revolutionary Cell: Even as there are Nobles who are willing to betray the legitimate government, there are also groups lower down the social ladder that wish to overthrow the sitting government. They could be geopolitical in nature, or ethnic, or mercantile, or… the list goes on and on. And it’s not like the Dark Lord cares. He’ll cut a deal with anybody who’s stupid enough to wage civil war while he has troops massed on their borders. He’ll lend them money, weapons, armor, terror beasts, mounts, training instructors, practically everything that they need. He’ll assure them of his military support when they rise up against their common enemy- and then hold back that support when they do rise. He’ll let the regular army tire itself putting down the uprising, and then, just as the regulars have the rebels on the ropes, he’ll attack in force, putting the defenders in the position of having to turn their backs either on the fresh invaders, or on the desperate rebels, who are sure to renew their attack. If the rebels are upset with the Dark Lord for his treachery, he’ll apologize profusely- just before he has them thrown to the ravening Bog Beasts for their presumption.

• Terrorists: While we tend to think of Terrorism as a modern thing, in truth, for thousands of years there have been secret societies that harass and persecute their neighbors for little better reason than the thrill of exercising power without responsibility. Real Life examples include the Leopard and Crocodile Societies of West Africa, the Thugee of India, certain Chinese Triads, and of course, America’s own Ku Klux Klan. While the Dark Lord will try to cut these people a deal, just as he would any of the other secret societies listed, with these, he’ll actually keep his word! Well, as long as they heel when he tells them to, anyway. They’re secretive, devious and vicious; if they weren’t around, he’d have to put his own men to keeping the locals in a grip of fear. Why pay men to do that, when these yahoos will do it for free?

• Cult Dedicated to the Dark Lord: Oddly, given that your average Dark Lord (what a concept!) is a towering mass of egotism, most Dark Lords don’t create Cults dedicated to them. Why? Because they really don’t care what people think of them, and worship is a two-way street; people expect things of their gods. If only that they won’t mash them flat should the whimsy cross them. And what Dark Lord wants to be burdened that way? Still, should the Dark Lord meme take off, cults devoted to the concept of the Dark Lord, as opposed to specific individuals, he’d be a fool to pass up on a body of pre-conditioned dupes, just because they have a bunch of silly preconceived notions as to what he’d do. He’s the DARK LORD, and they’re there to serve HIM, not the other way around!

Semi-Trained monsters: Sometimes it seems that Dark Lords sit around, flipping through the Monster Manual, going, ‘Got one, got one, want one, DON’T want one, NEED one, what the H**L is THAT, got one, can’t get RID of that one, want one, ooohhh… where can I get one of THOSE?’ It’s a lot more complicated than that, of course, but you really can’t beat a Dark Lord as an explanation for why a biologically improbable critter is rampaging around an area, or has taken up nesting in a tactically defensible stronghold. As with the Demi-Humanoids that work for him, the Dark Lord either creates the monsters that serve him, or he summons them using magic. The analogy breaks down in that the larger, more bestial monsters won’t actively seek out the Dark Lord; he has to go out and hunt down those monsters. Or, more accurately, he sends people to go hunt those monsters down; how he gets those people to bring it back alive is up to YOU.

Once he’s got the big nasty monster, Dark Lords like to show them off. Besides the bragging rights, letting people know that he’s got the Bog Beast under his thumb is part of both his Domestic and Foreign policy. Being thrown into prison is bad enough, but being put in line to be Bog Beast chow has a wonderfully demoralizing effect on prisoners. Oddly, if done right, throwing prisoners to the Bog Beast can be a cathartic and bonding experience- for spectators. The monster can become an odd mascot of sorts for the populace, and they’ll be more willing to go to war, if only to make sure that good ol’ Boggy has food (who’s not them). Breeding monsters is always a tricky business, considering that that means getting at least two of the freaks, but it means that the Dark Lord has a better chance of having Bog Beasts if anything untoward happens (like he has to kill the first one for trying to eat him). Also, the Dark Lord will be able to breed Bog Beasts for specific traits- such as being loyal to the Dark Lord.

Also, raising Bog Beasts (or whatever creature) from the egg means that the Dark Lord will be able to condition the creature to regard him as ‘mother’, or at least ‘Alpha’. This raises a critical point in Monster Wrangling: the Semi-Trained condition. ‘Semi-Trained’ means that the trainers have hit that butter zone where the beasts know who their masters are, while keeping its vicious predatory instincts and reflexes intact. There is nothing more pathetic than throwing someone to a Bog Beast, and having the Bog Beast roll over and ask to have its belly rubbed.

Slave Labor: Dark Lords raid for slaves; it’s not quite a requirement for the status, but it comes dang close. Making slaves of formerly free people, breaking their spirits, wrecking their bodies and minds in backbreaking labor, whipping them until they drop and then feeding them to the Bog Beast is just SUCH a Dark Lord thing. It’s not a socio-economic thing, though captured slaves are cheaper than slaves raised from childhood; it’s a dominance thing, it’s about the Dark Lord being in complete control of his slaves. Why do you think they usually wear leather and studs?

Strange Experimentation: As I’ve said a number of times, Dark Lords are heavily into R&D. But, given the rather scattershot nature of most Dark Lords’ experimentation protocols, well, things happen. WEIRD things. Things that weren’t planned for. Things that even the Dark Lord didn’t want to happen. Things that cause horrid blights upon the face of the world. Exactly what those blights are, I leave, of course, to YOU. But at least you have an explanation for how that… whatever it is… came about. ‘Things Happen’ just covers SO MUCH.

And what will the Dark Lord do about this thing he’s unleashed upon the world? Nothing.
That’s what Heroes are for.